erictcartman: (Default)
-- omnipotentDictator [OD] began pestering bootyInspector [BI] at 17:08 --

OD: Are you inviting me to play this weird Game Christophe was talking about or not?
OD: Id be kick ass at it and you know it.
BI: what?
BI: which game
OD: You know exactly what fucking Game Im talking about.
OD: Dont try to keep this a god damn Secret. I hear its supposed to be like one of the best Games ever made.
BI: that one thats like what the sims and shit?
BI: fuck that dude sims is for middle school girls
BI: come over and play call of duty
OD: Yeah! LORD KNOWS how you got a Copy of it. Did Christophe have to buy it for you or something? Or did you find some Key Online?
BI: I got all kinds of sources on shit
OD: And you know how I feel about Call of Duty. Its for total wannabe Fags who cant handle Fallout.
BI: whatever dude cod is fun times
OD: Not as fun-times as this fucking Game is supposed to be!
OD: I hear online, Ken, that like wicked Shit is supposed to go down and like pirated Copies dont work and everyones been trying to get their hands on it.
OD: I didnt believe Christophe got an actual Copy until he showed me, apparently its super hard to find.
OD: I HAVE GOT to play this.
OD: I mean, can you imagine how jealous Kyle will be when he hears I got one.
BI: you got a copy?
OD: Ja, but dont ask me how.
OD: People are buying Bootlegs left and right, but somehow I managed to get the right one.
OD: But its DUMB AS BALLS that you cant play alone.
BI: thats what fucking multiplayer means
OD: Its dumb that SOMEONE has to not only OWN the Game but fucking like, walk you through it or some Shit??
BI: lol
OD: No Kenny, fucking, did you read the fucking Instructions? Or was it too advanced a reading Level for you?
OD: Didnt Christophe like, set up your stupid whatever its called? Cruxaltor or whatever?
BI: dude my copy didnt come with instructions
BI: or we used them for rolling papers last night man I dont fucking remember
BI: ok so like gimme the deets on this shit
OD: So you didnt get the fucking Walkthrough.
BI: whatever dude its fucking world of simcraft how hard can it get
OD: Complacency of the Learned or whatever?
OD: Okay Dude like
OD: Dude its all like
BI: hah what the fuck is that
BI: it sounds like some dipshits electronica albumb
OD: "Sorry you installed this game because now the world is about to end."
BI: lol wow
BI: dark elves are nigh and shit
BI: theyre not even fucking around huh
OD: "Upon connecting with the client user, you, the server user, will be met with a control panel allowing you to manipulate your co-players environment."
OD: So you need to be my Server User.
OD: Heres a Manuscript of it,
BI: ok no thats too many words
BI: is there a sparknotes
BI: or like, a haley mitchell summary of the sparknotes
OD: UGH FUCK come on Asshole, this is fucking cool! Apparently you can, like, move Shit in my actual Room?
OD: Actually no wait dont do that…
BI: lol what
BI: like move what
OD: Actually maybe Ill just get Christophe to do this...
BI: you want him seeing all your porn mags under your bed dude
OD: You can move these fucking Machines that I have capchad in this sweetass KFCylladex.
OD: And do not fucking look under my Bed, Jesus fucking Christ do you want me to follow through on that Date with Karen?
BI: I dont have to hahaha I already know whats under there
OD: What the fuck do you mean you know whats under there?
OD: Are you saying you sneaked around in my fucking Room?
OD: Id expect this kind of Thing from Kyle, but you?
OD: What were you doing? Trying to score some Change so you can pay your Parents Bail?
BI: lol what
BI: dude do you not like, remember the last half of your birthday party last year
OD: Nein.
OD: Theres a reason for that.
BI: yeah lol didnt think so hahaha
BI: I warned you about jello shots man
OD: Well who the fuck decided to create such tasty Things and make a fucking Game out of it?!
OD: I got to fucking purple before vomming all over Clydes Pants.
BI: hahahahaha that was so sick dude
BI: that was the best fucking party
OD: You better fucking believe it was the best fucking Party. Now help me get this Shit figured out so we can have fucking Sim Parties up in this Joint.
OD: Dude, maybe I can make my room into a fucking Castle and build like a Dungeon and Shit.
OD: Kyle will be so pissed if I lock him down there before he gets a chance to play this wicked Game!
BI: man dude way to like
BI: make shit really
BI: wow
OD: What?
BI: ok yeah no building sexy dungeons
BI: whatre these machines and shit
OD: Uh…
OD: Hold on, I have to read this next Part.
OD: God damn it, why did they have to make this so fucking weird.
OD: Okay, so whatever this fucking cruxtruder is, like…
OD: Once you deploy this thing? We need to get moving and you cant fuck this up.
OD: Or so help you God I will come back as your fucking Game Ghost and haunt the ever-loving Fuck out of you.
BI: ok Im just not gonna touch it then
BI: what else
OD: No, Dude you have to eventually.
OD: Ugh hold on, Im going to check out what this Thing does.
BI: cool
BI: lemme go get a cigarette then
OD: Apparently, I can start making Stuff.
BI: thats cool
BI: dont blow it all on horse dildos
BI: Im gonna get a smoke gimme five min
OD: Dude, my Mom actually has one of those.
BI: ahahahahaha
BI: shes so fucking great man
OD: Maybe I can make a fucking Weapon out of it.
OD: Alright, Im going to go fetch that and like, fuse it with my killer Sai.
OD: So I press this and...
OD: Fuck fuck no, Ken this is freaking hilarious.
OD: Now Ive got like, Double HorseWang Stakes.
OD: Shit no, I have to make more Shit.
BI: what the fuck are you going to do with dickknives dude
OD: DUDE, have you seen anything as glorious as these fucking Dick Knives?
OD: Lets think of some more Shit!
OD: How about my Xbox and my wizard Hat?
BI: 2 gay pieces of shit into 1 bigger gay thing hahah do it
OD: Alright shit here it goes…
OD: Oh Dude its all black and chrome and stylin, and like, fuck now I can like play it with my Mind and
OD: oh shit, it just fell off my Head and shattered into a million Pieces.
BI: thats why the ps4 was the better system dude just sayin
OD: Now I have to go grab my other wizard Hat and think of something else to combine it with.
OD: What about my iPhone? Thats sturdier, I think.

OD: Great, now I just have a gayass wizard Phone.
BI: lol
BI: wizards suck anyway dude
OD: OKAY, um…
OD: Lets make me a cool fucking Outfit.
OD: Throw in my fucking black Coat and a military Book and combine every single commandant Coat in existence into one Coat.
BI: sounds heavy
OD: Nah, Im buff so its okay.
OD: Bam, okay lets try this on. Man its go so many fucking Buttons and Shit.
OD: I just made Napoleons Wetdream. This is like Armor x10.
OD: Okay now lemme combine this wizard Phone with these fucking Headphones.
BI: yeahhh the soothing dulcet tones
BI: of gandalf
BI: reading all your text messages
OD: Yeah Gandalf is gonna rea- yes
OD: Stimmt.
OD: I just made the MacKellen HeadSet.
OD: okay so I have DoubleWang Sai, Napoleons Wetdream…
BI: dude this sounds like a porno
OD: Now I have this MacKellen Headset, so what else do I need that DOES NOT sound like a Porno.
OD: This fucking KFCylladex is confusing as Balls.
BI: lol how does that even work
OD: I dont even fucking know. Each thing has its own Container, so I have to open up each Item and theyre packed down underneath all this Food. It ROCKS because I get to eat all this Shit, but then again, I have to dig through the whole god damn Bucket to get out one God damn Thing.
BI: youre gonna have a fuckin heart attack with that shit dude
OD: The Worlds apparently ending, who gives a Fuck.
OD: I guess Ill swap it out for a Medal Sylladex or something.
OD: Oh sweet yeah, and each Medal is like its own Storage thing. That works.
OD: Now I need a badass Hat.
OD: I can get like my shark Hat and combine it with like…
BI: a porno
BI: mag
OD: Perfect.
OD: Sharkporn Hat, hold on.
OD: Oh fuck, I dont think this worked.
OD: We have to start again.
BI: lol whatd you get
OD: A Monstocity that can not see the Light of Day.
BI: lol txt me a pic
OD: Youre my server Player! Cant you see this Shit from your Screen?!
BI: oh shit yeah sorry dude Im on my porch smoking
BI: this phones a pos it wont run games
OD: Behold this piece of shit.

BI: ahahaahah what the fuck
BI: dude are you looking at like clown porn or shit
BI: thats fucked up
BI: clowns are gross
OD: Must have been one of the Ads in it or something.
BI: thats some kinky shit man
OD: Right, I fucking hate the Ads in porno Mags.
OD: Okay I have to make some killer Boots and a cooler Hat.
OD: I think Im going to combine that fucking future Phone and my old Hat.
BI: your mom has some pretty killer boots
BI: haha
OD: Shut the Fuck up.
OD: Im making fucking TimePhoneHat.
BI: lol
OD: Okay thats done.
OD: Now for some kickass Boots and Ill be done alchemizing.
OD: Omg Ken, new Idea.
OD: Go fetch that big-ass Drill sitting out in that Field and alchemize it with my Gun.
BI: hahahah ok hold on
OD: Yeah drag that Shit over here.
BI: watch for the uh
BI: oh shit
BI: lol sorry
BI: dude these controls suck balls
OD: Youre lucky Im not going to need my fucking Car for anything.
BI: this is like trying to play fucking halo on my fucking phone
OD: Just set the fucking Drill down and let me make my Gratefully Dead Gun.
BI: ok ok here
OD: BOOM! Yeah fucking look at this Shit.
OD: Way better than fucking DoubleWang.
OD: Alright now the boots uh... wait Ken, can you fucking like…
BI: what?
OD: Okay, if I tell you WHERE in the Pentagon a Portal is…
OD: could you go fetch it for me?
OD: I could make fucking portal Boots.
BI: dude the screen doesnt move that far
BI: its like
BI: to the edge of your yard
BI: a little of your neighbors fense but thats it
OD: Do /I/ have a portal?
OD: No, those fucking Dorks decided to keep the time Machine.
BI: idk man whats something that works like a portal
BI: portals and time machines are different anyway dude duh
OD: I guess I can alchemize my Boots with that alien Satellite in my Ass.
BI: lol jesus
OD: Can you like... click on my Ass and see if it selects?
BI: this is getting pretty gay dude
BI: cant you click your own ass
OD: Just think about what this entails, Ken. Id have alien Technology combined with my fucking Shoes.
OD: I can communicate to Satellites and beam People to anywhere I want!
BI: yeah but Im not clicking your ass man
BI: thats weird
OD: Then click my Back or something! Just keep fucking clicking until it selects!
OD: Dont think of it as gay, think of it as necessary for the Survival of the human Race.
OD: Apparently, with the World ending and all.
BI: yeah right lol Ive seen that shit before this isnt even close
OD: I dont know, Dude. This Guide looks pretty serious.

BI: ok dude did it click right I cant even fucking tell this controllers like
BI: 100000 pixels
OD: Wait, click it again.
BI: ok how about now
OD: Erm, I can actually feel that. Sick.
OD: Alright I guess uh, drag me to the fucking Alchemizer. The boots are already there.
BI: lol dude I need a drink after this
OD: Ill need a Cigarette for sure.
BI: lol
OD: We should alchemize them both and make booze Cigs.
BI: nasty
BI: that shit is straight up wrong dude
OD: Alright, you ready?
BI: lol sure
OD: I hope this doesnt hurt.
OD: Be gentle, Ken. I hope you can look at me the same way Tomorrow.
BI: lol christ
BI: ok theres your uh
BI: tv boots? dude wtf
OD: That was the strangest fucking…
OD: What the Hell are those Things.
BI: so not worth it hahahah
OD: Whatever man, we dont have Time. I guess I have to make use of them.
BI: ok so wtf next
BI: this game is pretty shitty so far dude I gotta say
OD: We need to get to this totem Lathe and apparently stick this Card in.
BI: watching you put dicks and wizards all over shit is like
BI: old hat
OD: You dont miss it? Well Im hurt.
BI: idk dude you fucked around and blew all your gushers money
OD: My dick Sai would have been epic on the Battlefield.
BI: it wont let me buy the
BI: laithe thing
OD: Oh shit, that gusher Money is important?
OD: Are you fucking telling me I have to sell something now?
BI: quick get some gushers from the kitchen hahaha
OD: ... think thatll work?
BI: nah
OD: Fuck.
BI: wait no shit wait wait wait
BI: what if you like
BI: took the gushers
BI: and like a fifty
BI: and put it in the thing
BI: mccormick you sly dog
OD: God I hate to say this but…
OD: I bet you know where my Moms whore Money is, dont you?
BI: hey no way dude
OD: Oh thank God.
OD: Also Shit, then where are we gonna get the Cash?
BI: the day I fuck liane cartman is the day its because shes marrying me lol
BI: dude you seriously dont have any fucking cash for real
OD: I do, but Id rather not use it!
OD: Ugh fine, I guess I dont have a choice. I was saving it up for something important.
BI: yeah but the ~~~~world is ending omg ~~~~~ so whatre you saving it for
BI: carp diam and shit
OD: None of your Business.
OD: Maybe Ill tell you if you can get me out of this Fuckmess.
BI: dude I so dont care lol
OD: Fick dich!
OD: Fine, lets make some freaking gusher Money and get this lathe Thing started.
BI: yeah
OD: Alright there we go, is that enough?
OD: This Shit is making me hungry.
BI: dont eat it lol
BI: yeah ok where you want this thing
BI: the hallway?
OD: Uh, yeah that works.
OD: Damn, why the Hell are these Things so freaking huge?
BI: I dunno dude but none of this shit is gonna fit in my house if were doing me next
OD: Well do it in your Backyard.
OD: Apparently theres some Crystal I need to place on the Mount and insert this Card.
BI: ok a crystal lol
BI: wheres that
OD: Fuck if I know.
BI: uhhhhhhh huh ok so you got the
BI: combiner thing
BI: the laith thing
BI: the thing were not stupposed to touch
OD: Yeah thats here. We just dont have the fucking Crystal and these Instructions dont say where to find the stupid Thing.
OD: Apparently its called a "cruxite Dowel".
OD: Oh Shit, maybe its in my Medal Sylladex.
BI: dude the thing thats no-touching is called a cruxtrooper
BI: cruxtruder
BI: wtf it sounds like an erectile dysfunction drug
BI: crux - cruxite, whatever
OD: Do you think that makes it?
BI: I dont fucking know dude read your instructions lol
OD: I think it does, but I think this is what also starts the motherfucking Countdown.
OD: So once we activate this Thing and get the Crystal were...
OD: Were gonna do this Game for real.
OD: Awesome, this is going to be totally killer.
OD: Alright lemme get this fucking Crystal.
BI: alright lemme get a couple beers then too like
BI: if were getting down to business to defeat huns and shit
OD: I think I push this Thing in and
OD: oh fuck there it goes there it goes KEN NO TIME FOR BEERS! FUCKING…
OD: We need to get this thing to the Lathe!
OD: Oh my god Ken, youre going to ruin this!
OD: Youre going to ruin this whole fucking Game and now the World is gonna end and Ill never get to use Gratefully Dead or my alien Boots!
OD: Worse yet, Ill never get laid by the Robot that I was totally going to make when you werent looking.
OD: Oh wait youre not looking, okay.
OD: Heres my fucking Chance. Lemme grab this picture and this robot arm…
BI: dude what
BI: I was gone like 4 seconds
BI: do your crystal magic makeup thing
OD: Uh, This isnt what it looks like.
BI: man
BI: what the fuck
OD: OKAY THERES NO TIME! Get me and RoboKyle to the fucking Thing and drag that Crystal over to the Lathe!
BI: dude Im so telling Kyle about this shit, jesus fuck
OD: It was an ACCIDENT! This wasnt supposed to look like Kyle, it was supposed to look like a Pornstar. I dont know how my blackmail Pictures got mixed in.
OD: Ill fix it when I get there.
BI: yeah ok so like, heres the crystal thing
BI: but this round glowing thing popped out too?
OD: Glowing Thing?
OD: Oh Shit, thats the thing I read about.
OD: Its a fucking Ghost. I can throw something in it and prototype it.
BI: hah put the robot in it
OD: Sweet okay lets fucking do it. Here goes nothing.
BI: whatd it do?
OD: Crap.

BI: hahahah it looks pissed
OD: Was I even supposed to do that?
OD: That Thing looks like it wants to chop off my fucking Head.
BI: I dunno dude its not attacking you yet so like
BI: roll with it?
OD: Sure, why not.
OD: Alright so, now what? I guess I can start making this fucking Artifact.
BI: yeah dude the crystalpooptrude has a timer now
OD: Ughhh, how long is it going to take to make this Thing?
BI: fuck if I know dude just do it
OD: Im SHOVING it in.
BI: man dude you gotta work on that if youre gonna get a gf
OD: We have to save the World first, apparently. I think thats plenty to woo a Girl with.
OD: Besides, shell be impressed if I have to SHOVE it in. It wont be like throwing a Hotdog down an Alley, I assure you.
OD: Isnt that right, angry Robot Kyle.
OD: Do you think it understands me?
BI: I dunno dude, call it something racist
OD: Hey Kyle, can you hear the Voices of all your slaughtered Ancestors now youre ghost Jewbot?
OD: Oh yeah, he heard that.
BI: hahahah damn
BI: that thing smacked the shit out of you
OD: I didnt think it could! I guess this thing is corporal.
OD: Why cant I understand it though? I guess its voice Box is busted.
OD: Sweet.
BI: throw some speakers in it too lol
OD: Ugh, do I have to?
OD: Alright heres my fucking Laptop, its got a Mic and Speakers.
OD: Crap, that Timers almost out.
BI: ok lol well stop fucking around
BI: whats the crystal for next
OD: Heres the Laptop and heres fucking UGH, GET OVER HERE JEWBOT.
OD: Okay, its gonna make an Artifact and as soon as I fucking touch it, the Guide says Im in the Game. Im gonna throw the Laptop at Kyle and touch the Artifact at the same Time.
OD: Apparently its a fucking... hold on its almost done.
OD: Its a, Star?
OD: Okay sweet, are you freaking ready for this Ken? This is going to be the best Thing weve ever fucking done.
BI: dude I dunno I fucked Heather Johnson last year at spring fling
OD: Point taken. Itll be pretty close to the coolest Thing weve ever done.
OD: Alright, Imma chuck this thing into Kyle and touch this Star.
RoboKyleSprite: CARTMAN, YOU SON OF A -
-- omnipotentDictator [OD] has entered The Medium --
BI: *drinks beer*


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Eric T. Cartman

April 2014

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