erictcartman: (Default)
[personal profile] erictcartman
-- bootyInspector [BI] started pestering omnipotentDictator [OD] --

BI:
yo dude so how's the psycho matchmaking going haha
OD:
Terrible.
OD:
Everyone's black for me now.
OD:
It all backfired and Kyle won't even talk to me.
BI:
lol well dude you shouldn't have put him in a robot man
OD:
I was TRYING to freaking save him,
OD:
he's just so fucking narrow minded and only concerned about what to get angry over next.
OD:
Which is funny as hell but FRUSTRATING AS FUCK when you're trying to be a GOOD PERSON.
BI:
ok lol maybe then you shouldn't have like
BI:
tried to molest the robot
OD:
Molest?!
BI:
be creepy with
OD:
What makes you say that I molested it.
OD:
Or was creepy with it.
OD:
It was a robot anyway.
BI:
cuz you were acting creepy dude
OD:
HOW
BI:
ommggg it's real kaaahl he's my troll boyfriend
BI:
~~our hate is the passion that fuels stars whateva~~
OD:
SO
BI:
so that's creepy dude
OD:
It was to piss him off!
OD:
I wasn't ACTUALLY serious!
BI:
uhhuuuuuuuuuuuuh
OD:
If he wants to stay pissed and give me the silent treatment than it just GOES TO SHOW who's the adult here.
OD:
Besides this troll dude who I slept with in my dream keeps visiting me.
OD:
and he says he was the Bard of Hope too and he gives me hints and shit
OD:
Though apparently he doesn't believe in it anymore?
OD:
But you're supposed to believe in it and I mean
OD:
I saw the fishdude explode my computer with it!
BI:
dude what
OD:
So it IS real!
OD:
My fucking power!
OD:
And I'm a bard.
BI:
yeah bard of hope dude this is old news
OD:
Which is nice since I'm like, a Music and Song writing pro.
OD:
I KNOW ITS OLD NEWS BUT THE NEW NEWS IS I'M FIGURING IT OUT.
OD:
I know I'm not beer or tits but just PAY ATTENTION for once.
BI:
I'm trying dude but it's a lot of bullshit
OD:
Or do I need to go on Vid cam and shove a dollar bill down my tits.
OD:
Pecs*
BI:
which troll did you fuck ?
OD:
He said he was related to fish troll.
OD:
Which makes sense since he's a hope player too.
OD:
They have these gay ass fins on the side of their face that act like weeb ass cat ears.
OD:
And they have gills on their chest and neck and their skin feels SO FUCKING WEIRD.
OD:
but it was a dream so
BI:
dude I think your subconcious like
OD:
I don't know what the hell was going on. I wasn't on Prospit.
BI:
flipped a tit
OD:
Probably!
OD:
Doesn't matter had sex!
BI:
mannn I was hoping for like, legit firsthand experience not a wet dream dude
BI:
~~hoping~~ and disappointed dude
BI:
:(
OD:
It felt like it!
OD:
Dude dreams are weird here.
OD:
I felt his troll vagina and everything and FUCK is it weird.
OD:
On your dick tho?
BI:
:-/
OD:
Can't replicate that.
OD:
It's... /out of this world/.
OD:
What are you JEALOUS now?
OD:
HAH.
OD:
Well summon up some time chick to come fuck you!
BI:
dude I'm pretty sure it was just a dream, man
OD:
FUCK YOU NO IT WASNT.
BI:
like, the trolls don't even have relatives
BI:
how you gonna find fishdude's like, cousin or whatever
OD:
I don't know!
BI:
floatin around with the horrormonsters
OD:
It just happened!
BI:
man wanting it to be true isn't like
BI:
the key to it being true lol
OD:
He was a fucking greaser and everything! He sounded like John Travolta with a gay ass accent and he said he wanted to be a human.
OD:
WELL THE JOKES ON YOU BECAUSE GUESS WHAT
OD:
Jon Travolta troll said that's how Hope works.
BI:
john travolta dude what
OD:
Or something.
OD:
I forgot his name, okay?
BI:
was it fishdude
OD:
I just know that in order to make my powers work I have to do whatever I want when I want it.
OD:
Yeah it was fishdude but
OD:
it wasnt
BI:
ok so like you fell asleep and didn't wake up on prospit and then the buttspawn of john travolta and fishtroll came over and fucked you for no reason
OD:
I fucked him.
OD:
We had a conversation prior.
BI:
christ, dude
OD:
So the next time we met we poofed onto some weird fucking world with this nautical themed palace with all these pastels and I fucked him.
BI:
ok dude you were the big bad dom lol nobody cares man
OD:
YOU ASKED
OD:
And hell yeah I was!
BI:
lol I totally didn't
OD:
Okay so you didnt structure it in the form of a question but still
OD:
I know how youre DYING at the chance to get troll pussy.
OD:
and yeah it's pretty worth it.
BI:
so you his hateboyfriend or his loveboyfriend now hahah
OD:
No dude thats the best part
OD:
since he wants to be a human? he wanted to try it the HUMAN way.
OD:
AKA - no strings attached
BI:
lol ok now
BI:
now I know you were dreaming ahahah
OD:
DUDE
OD:
HOW COULD I MAKE THIS SHIT UP
BI:
dude how do you make up half the shit you make up man
BI:
for real, how does that even work like, is it just this like
BI:
nightmare acid trip in your brain ?
OD:
I will find this troll again I swear to god.
OD:
and I will show him to you.
BI:
hahaha sounds good >;)
OD:
Who knows! Maybe he'll let you fuck him too!
BI:
lol let's hope hahah
OD:
OH SHIT YOU MADE A PUN
OD:
Well how about you and the Terezi troll?
BI:
lol dude I'm not getting roped into your like
BI:
multiple personality cupid shit
OD:
Well I'm going to wait until they calm their hate boners over me or what not.
OD:
Maybe my powerpoint will help smooth things along.
BI:
dude pretty sure none of them wanna hatefuck you lol
OD:
That should be coming out soon, I have to put in final touches
BI:
oh shit
OD:
Uh, why else would they all want to beat me up?
BI:
dude lemme know when you're gonna post that
BI:
I gotta get good and wasted first
OD:
Fuck you
OD:
It's going to be GREAT!
BI:
well fuck yeah it's gonna hahaha
BI:
and dude maybe they just like
BI:
don't like you
BI:
cuz you're doing that whole like
BI:
racist psycho cupid shit
BI:
lol
OD:
Well THEYRE RACIST AND PSYCHO SO
OD:
and obsessed with their quadrant romances so
OD:
How do you know theyre all not pitch for me like FUCK because I do it better than them? Huh?
BI:
cuz dude they all said you're gross hahaha
OD:
GROSS IS A COMPLIMENT
OD:
They're ALL pretty gross.
OD:
I mean troll vagina feels great but they smell weird and their skin is so rough
BI:
dude all vagina feels great
BI:
100% never a vag that wasn't A+ awesome
BI:
thats like being, oh damn dude they were breathing as like, a plus
OD:
OBVIOUSLY
OD:
But I'm just SAYING "Gross" is like "Hot" to them.
BI:
ehhh dude I'm pretty sure it's not lol
OD:
How would you know?!
OD:
Ive been like
OD:
reading everything I can on them
OD:
meaning yeah Ive been watching and reading their porn and smut a lot - BUT STILL
BI:
uh huh you been talking to them?
OD:
THEY ALL BLOCKED ME.
OD:
I only have this porn but its so involved that its like ALL I NEED TO KNOW
BI:
lol ok so like
BI:
I haven't been reading like troll harliquin novels but
BI:
I have like firsthand word on the street that if a troll wanted to hatefuck somebody they wouldn't block them
OD:
But what/
BI:
sorry to burst the bubble man :,(
OD:
From who?
BI:
~~a troll~~
OD:
You're pitch with someone?
BI:
holy fuck dude
BI:
like
BI:
come on
BI:
christ
OD:
IM JUST ASKIN
OD:
G
BI:
right cuz you got hit on the head and forgot you're a vietnamese hooker or shit
BI:
I'm not gonna date a troll
BI:
~cuz I'm not gonna date~
BI:
but I still got deets
BI:
cuz I didn't go and make them all block me lol
OD:
WHATEVER
OD:
WHATEVER
OD:
First off you're TOTALLY wrong
BI:
:)
OD:
you know why?
OD:
You're jealous as FUCK I got to bang a troll before you.
BI:
lol
BI:
dude legit have I ever got jealous about somebody fucking somebody
OD:
Secondly? This powerpoints going to make them all unblock me and want to learn from the MASTER
OD:
maybe Kyle will start talking to me too WHO KNWOS
OD:
AND NO YOUHAVENT
BI:
:)
OD:
but this is ALIEN SHIT
OD:
So ITS A GOOD TIME FOR YOU TO START.
BI:
what, dude
BI:
what's that even
BI:
like
OD:
It's just fucking frustrating as hell
OD:
that there's this perfect race out there
OD:
and now that theyre in this game theyre basically shitting all ALL THE PROGRESS THEY MADE because of why!?
OD:
I can't figure it out!?
BI:
lol if our team's like
OD:
Who would want to GIVE UP this shit you see in this porn?
BI:
any like, clue
BI:
probably a team of fuckups hahahaahah
OD:
Fucking. Wonderful.
BI:
or like, dude
BI:
Maybe
BI:
oh shit wait no idea
BI:
~~~~~maaaaaybeeeeee~~~~~
BI:
don't watch porn to try and figure out how ppl work man :|
OD:
Okay fine.
OD:
Who hasn't blocked me yet.
OD:
Blue dude blocked me, fish dude, Bee dude
OD:
they all blocked me
OD:
Terezi
OD:
Pretty sure Shouty did
OD:
NEPETA
OD:
She's still talking to me
BI:
neko-chan!
OD:
Yeah!
OD:
Okay I'll ask her how I can like, get the others to unblock me and start listening and shit.
BI:
tell her I found my princess tutu files if she wants them ahahahah >:D
OD:
Yeah man wish me luck.
OD:
I swear by the end of this game I'm going to have all my quadrants filled/
OD:
before ANY trolls do.
OD:
How fucking SWEET is that?!
BI:
dude omg you're a human you don't got troll triangles
OD:
Yeah I do.
OD:
And so do you
OD:
You're my moirail, rails before pails and shit.
BI:
is this. is this like, when you thought you were black.
BI:
like, are you gonna start talking about uhhh
BI:
spaceships and shit
BI:
psychic powers
OD:
I haven't decided what color blood I have yet.
OD:
So I COULD have powers!
BI:
ahahahahahahaah omg dude
OD:
but I'm PROBABLY a highblood since I'm all beeft.
OD:
WHAT
BI:
dude
OD:
We all have fucking Red blood! If we were born as trolls? We'd all have different blood, obviously.
OD:
So Like
OD:
i have to look /under/ my red blood.
OD:
And see whats really there.
BI:
organs
BI:
that's what's under your blood dude
BI:
also dude I don't think you get to pick your blood like isn't that the whole
BI:
against the whole
BI:
blood racist shit
OD:
But who else would know?!
OD:
I have to go with what my gut tells me
OD:
So I'm obviously like, the purple right below seadweller
OD:
since fuck those fins
BI:
fins are cool dude they're like, cool mermaid shit
OD:
youve watched too many movies with - you told Stan.
BI:
DUDE IT'S HILARIOUS I HAD TO
BI:
ahahahaha
BI:
I almost fucking drowned myself on my shitty coors here dude omg
OD:
STAN DOESNT GET IT OKAY
BI:
dude I don't get it hahah
OD:
You should! The trolls obviously want to get into YOUR pants!
BI:
if only :,)
OD:
And when I say trolls I mean Terezi.
OD:
How's that working for you?
BI:
man a gentleman never gets high and plays mario party and tells
BI:
lol
OD:
Ho.
OD:
Shit.
OD:
You scored.
BI:
dude that's not what I said
OD:
THATS WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU GET HIGH AND PLAY MARIO CART WITH A CHICK,
OD:
Don't think I didn't hear about you and Katie Miller.
BI:
hey hey hey hey
BI:
that was mario cart
BI:
this is mario party
BI:
~~totally different~~
OD:
Oh
OD:
yeah this is just intro level.
OD:
You're getting into mario cart territory though.
OD:
I can tell.
BI:
dude legit do you know what you're talking about at all hahaha
OD:
FUCK YOU I've played Mario Cart with like a THOUSAND chicks.
BI:
:)
OD:
okay maybe three.
OD:
On the band bus.
BI:
lol that doesn't count dude band chicks are freaks
OD:
THAT TOTALLY COUNTS
OD:
Scoring second base in the back of the band bus totally counts.
OD:
She quit the next week but
OD:
whatever.
BI:
whatever you say dude haha
OD:
Screw you Kenny, I've got a powerpoint to make.
OD:
Go shove your tongue up Terezi's troll vag- oh wait you can't!
BI:
harsh dude
BI:
go do your powerpoint hahah
BI:
I'm excited
OD:
You better be this is going to be BITCHTITS GREAT
OD:
-- OD stopped pestering BI --
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erictcartman: (Default)
Eric T. Cartman

April 2014

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