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-- omnipotentDictator [OD] started pestering twinArmageddons [TA] --

OD: So uh, Sollux right? Crazy memo, geeze. A lot of shit got flung and people died and uh

OD: shit got said.

OD: Now I'm not SAYING what Stan said sounded true at all or whatever, I mean like - trolls and humans right? Totally fucked up.

OD: But you know if you ever want to like, see if the grass is greener on the other side? I'm totally game.

OD: We could watch some of that hardcore black shit you have and just have a good time.

TA: what the fuck do you want.

TA: iim not 2endiing you fuckiing porn.

OD: No no, that's cool I can get that from someone else.

OD: I was just you know, checkin in. Seein whats up. If you guys all want to kill us or whatever.

TA: checkiing iin over what you 2niivvelliing 2ack of bulge2.

TA: there ii2 nothiing two check iin about unle22 iit2 your mii22iing fuckiing nook ehehe.

OD: Checking in about like

OD: where you guys stand on

OD: whether or not you want to kill us?

TA: depend2 on who you a2k ii gue22.

TA: ii dont giive a 2hiit. iit wont make a fuckiing diifference.

OD: Yeah man that... that seadweller guy. Wow, hes a fuckin handful isnt he?

TA: ed want2 two 2ee you 2hiit2 iin the bottom of a diitch covered iin 2opor on fiire 2o there2 that.

TA: uh yeah?

TA: that2 the fuckiing poiint.

TA: eq probably want2 two 2ee you all dead two.

OD: Well we're supposd to work together now right?

OD: That seems counterproductive.

TA: who the fuck 2aiid that 2hiit.

OD: Fucking Highbloods man, we lowbloods know where its at.

TA: we cant even get two your fuckiing planet2 you 2hiit2taiin, thii2 ii2nt a normal 2e22iion.

OD: The frog thing?

TA: ugh riight.

TA: ii gue22.

TA: that doe2nt mean 2hiit about you beiing a bunch of u2ele22 fuck2. except for bi. he2 pretty cool.

OD: Yeah he's my moirail hes okay.

OD: But seriously like,

OD: don't you get tired of the fucking Highbloods screwing everything up?

OD: It seems like no one likes them at all.

OD: Maybe its just best that like

OD: I dont know, you do your own thing.

TA: of cour2e nobody fuckiing liike2 them 2hiit2taiin.

OD: Yeah! Fuck them!

OD: You should totally just clue them out.

TA: wow yeah let2 ju2t parade around announciing two the 2hole glubbiing 2e22iion that were revoltiing agaiin2t the fiive 2tronge2t mo2t brutal member2 of our team! nothiing could po22iibly go wrong wiith that OH WAIIT.

TA: plu2 2ome of them are actually ii dont know NOT AWFUL.

TA: cc ii2 cool.

TA: uh.

TA: ii gue22 that2 iit.

OD: So Fish Princess.

OD: Okay well she can just

OD: do her own seadweller thing

OD: and they all can just

OD: I don't know, kill each other - and the lowbloods can just stick together and get shit done, you know?

TA: we cant fuckiing wiin wiithout a heiir, thiief, bard, AND priince you grubliickiing fuckpod.

OD: That sounds like SUCH a good idea and you won't have to worry about being some Highbloods object of fetishism.

TA: not liike were wiiniing at all but why the fuck would we fuck our2elve2 even more??

TA: what.

TA: what the fuck are you fuckiing talkiing about?

TA: holy fuck you are 2o fuckiing weiird.

OD: EVERYTHING! I'm talking about like

OD: the oppressors man!

OD: Makin you think that you need to go out of class to get laid and shit, but your'e fine! It's totally cool.

OD: I understand.

TA: // That sounds like SUCH a good idea and you won't have to worry about being some Highbloods object of fetishism //

TA: that.

TA: the fuck ii2 that.

OD: I just explained myself, you DON"T need to be some highblood's play thing, okay?

OD: I know self deprication feels kinky as shit, but its not right, you know?

OD: Let them do their own stupid violent highblood thing

OD: and you just stick to bein down here

OD: with the rest of us lowbloods.

OD: It's going to be okay.

TA: wow yeah that 2iingle 2entance REALLY CLEAR2 THIING2 UP DOE2NT IIT.

TA: what.

TA: oh my 2hiitiing fuck what ii2 every 2iingle thiing driippiing out of your face flap.

TA: what the fuck ii2 wrong wiith you, you werent thii2 iintollerably weiird before. do you have a fuckiing panbleed or 2omethiing?

OD: I just got information about whats really going on and now I'm more convinced than ever that your team is doomed unless someone intervenes.

OD: Someone like me.

TA: ehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

TA: holy 2hiit.

OD: I can make everything right.

OD: If you just listen and trust me.

TA: holy 2hiiiiiiiit.

TA: ii am fuckiing 2creencappiing thii2.

OD: But first, sollux? Sollux are you listening to me?

OD: Good! Screen cap it!

TA: 2elliing iit two the vaniity pre22 der2e ediition for two hundred boonbuck2.

OD: Keep it in your records as the day you were saved.

OD: Okay Sollux, are you listening?

TA: go eat a bulge.

OD: This is the first thing you have to do -

OD: You've gotta dump fishtroll.

TA: 2hiit yeah iive totally 2een the liight here!

TA: how could ii have been 2o bliind? cur2e thii2 fuckiing double vii2iion.

OD: I know, calm down.

OD: Calm down, okay?

OD: I'm here to help.

TA: thank god ii have a 2melly pandamaged howlerbea2t two 2et me on the riight path.

OD: I heard your plea.

OD: My friend told me all about it.

TA: plea2e tell me, how the fuck do ii 2ave my2elf from thii2 ma22iive fuckiing bull2hiit?

OD: You just need to trust me and stick to your gut.

OD: The part of your gut that says highbloods need to do their thing and you need to do yours.

OD: Seperate but, okay not equal but

OD: you belong with someone who understands you and your problems as a lowblood.

TA: hey 2o 2iince were undergoiing thii2 RELIIGIIOU2 EXPERIIENCE here weve got two be hone2t wiith our2elve2 and 2hiit. what are you lookiing for for payback?

TA: 2iince you know youve liifted the fuckiing chaiin2 of terriible opper22iion from my 2hiitty lowblood body. 2omeone 2hould make a grubdamn fiilm out of iit.

OD: Payback?

OD: I mean, if we're going to be honest yeah I'm pretty fucking pissed that fishtroll killed my moirail.

TA: yeah what do you want iin return fuck2hiit.

OD: And Im also pissed that my kismeshit's ignoring me.

TA: what2 your angle here.

TA: because you know iim 2O FUCKIING GRATEFUL and 2hiit.

TA: iit2 kii2me2ii2 you 2pongenub.

OD: So, I want to simultaneously make my kismesis Jealous and Eridan pissed as all fuck that a human took his Kismeshit away - I KNOW it's kismesis but thats my nickame for him!

TA: that2 retarded.

OD: Which part?

TA: all of thii2.

TA: but mo2tly the niickname.

OD: It pisses him off so I like it.

TA: 2o what youre lookiing two fuckiing quadrantcheat?

TA: 2eriiou2ly??

OD: Not, QUADRANTcheat

OD: I don't even know the first thing about how to get with a fucking Troll - though some dude in a dream kinda told me how.

OD: I just want to make them both suffer.

OD: More Eridan than Kyle but, watching Kyle squirm is fun.

TA: wow

TA: fuckiing WOW.

TA: maybe ed and eq are fuckiing riight about murderiing your entiire fuckiing team.

TA: my an2wer ii2 hmm let2 thiink about thii2, FUCKIING NO.

TA: youre not blackfliirtiing riight you worthle22 2hiit2taiin.

OD: You hate me even more now though, right?

OD: And the fucking awesome thing is that I'm right, aren't I?

OD: About this whole situation

OD: you have going on.

TA: gue22 what, iit doe2nt fuckiing matter. youre not doiing the court2hiip 2tep2 riight dumbfuck.

TA: when you blackpropo2e two troll2 there2 a fuckiing order two 2hiit fuck.

TA: dont you howlerbea2t2 have riitual2?

OD: oh shit this is what ive been waiting for, its about fucking time someone told me how to do this

OD: Karkat and Terezi just blocked me when I asked

OD: So when Kylesprite finally seperates and becomes a human, what are the steps?

TA: yeah that2 becau2e youre an IINTOLLERABLE FUCK2TIICK.

TA: the only rea2on ii havent done iit yet ii2 probably becau2e ii fuckiing de2erve haviing two lii2ten two you run your flap about bull2hiit.

TA: becau2e ii 2uck 2o hard.

TA: okay fuck do you even have a collectiion of rock2?

TA: or diid you really fuck thii2 up.

OD: What do I need the rocks for?

TA: oh my god you are 2o fuckiing hopele22.

OD: shit.

TA: there2 not even a fuckiing poiint.

OD: NO WAIT

TA: ju2t fuck iit.

OD: I can learn.

TA: what kiind of a kii2me2ii2 doe2nt even have fuckiing rock2!

OD: I'll give you this fucking, god - fast food restaurant code I have if you tell me

OD: this shit is AWESOME TO EAT after you get high.

TA: okay lii2ten up bulgeliicker troll2 2pend YEAR2 collectiing theiir rock2 iin order two buiild theiir rockwall.

OD: Oh shit, FUCK. How tall does it have to be?

TA: 2o you buiild your rockwall out of the niice2 2moothe2t fuckiing rock2 you can fiind. iit doe2nt have two be tall iit ju2t ha2 two be fuckiing NIICE. two 2how you have good ta2te and 2hiit. 2o you buiild iit and then you 2triip down 2o your kii2me2ii2 can 2ee your good2 ehehe.

TA: and then you do your matiing dance.

TA: iit2 diifferent from cla22 two cla22 2o who the fuck know2 what your human 2hiit ii2, probably 2omethiing fuckiing 2tupiid.

OD: Okay so how big was the one Fishtroll made you?

OD: And how long did his dance go?

OD: Since youre the ony troll ive talked to who apparently has a Kismeshit.

TA: iit wa2 fuckiing niice a2 2HIIIT. 2houlder hiigh at lea2t and that fucker danced for at lea2t half a niight.

OD: Woah

TA: he put iit iin a memo two 2o he wa2 fuckiing 2eriiou2.

TA: iif youve got a good enough wall you put that 2hiit on a publiic feed 2o everyone can 2ee. 2o then your kii2me2ii2 know2 he2 got fuckiing competiitiion.

TA: any fuckiing viioletblood could 2woop iin and 2nap up a good catch liike that.

TA: 2o yeah you po2t your 2hiit and eiither your kii2me2ii2 accept2 or 2ometiime2 even 2omeone el2e propo2e2 two you iif they waiited two long.

OD: I've got to start working on this shit RIGHT NOW

OD: Fuck, man I know I screwed this up but you can still get out of your chains.

TA: what2 the fuckiing poiint, youre ju2t goiing two fuck iit up. you dont have troll iin2tiincts dumbfuck.

OD: I do though, and I'll prove it to you.

TA: oh my god 2TOP TALKIING ABOUT FUCKIING NONEXII2TANT CHAIIN2.

OD: But that doesnt make sense, why would he propose to someone that well who was out of his class if its not out of like

OD: some master slave thing

TA: ii dont fuckiing know, oh waiit, maybe iit2 becau2e ii REGULARLY KIICK HII2 GLUTE2.

OD: Hah, right. You can't do that it's against your society's rules!

TA: diid you lo2e your aural canal2? ii ju2t 2aiid ii beat hiim all the fuckiing tiime.

OD: But you're a lowblood!

OD: Aren't you built scrawnier and are oppressed and gloomy and shit?

TA: ii have eyela2er2 you iintollerable fuckiing tool.

OD: I SAW the aftermath of what he did to Ken- oh right

OD: You have those powers.

TA: yeah LUCKY FUCKIING ME.

OD: So THATS whats going on.

TA: what.

OD: He's pissed off that you're a lowblood and you have those BITCH ASS powers

OD: that can beat him into a pulp

TA: ii dont fuckiing know, iif you giive that much of a ragiing 2hiit go a2k hiim your2elf.

OD: so now he has this confused boner over you because you BEAT him but youre under him - no no no I'm thinking out loud so I know how to handle this.

OD: You're all in serious danger.

TA: yeah THANK GRUB2HIITIING FUCK a howlerbea2t who ha2nt even done hii2 kii2me2ii2 dance ii2 here two 2ave u2!!

TA: protiip: youre a fuckiing iidiiot.

OD: I'll get that down, okay? In the meantime you should SERIOUSLY CONSIDER why you're dating out of class and the implications of that.

OD: You're subversively oppressing yourself.

TA: iim fuckiing datiing a hiighblood becau2e he2 a good riival for now and oh waiit NONE OF YOUR FUCKIING BU2IINE22.

TA: ed ii2 a 2tupiid bulgefucker but you dont know a fuckiing thiing about what2 falliing out of your flap. 2o go make your2elf u2eful and fall iintwo a riiver or 2ome 2hiit.

OD: That's fine! That's totally fine! I tried to help you but you're obviously more concerned with you masochistic bullshit than to save your race!

TA: you keep talkiing but all ii 2ee ii2 a pathetiic wallle22 howlermonkey.

TA: come back when youve proven that you actually fuckiing know what youre talkiing about.

OD: You'll see.

OD: I'll build this wall and make the BEST DANCE EVER complete with a WHOLE ENSEMBLE OF BACK UP DANCERS

OD: And you're going to be SO MAD AT YOURSELF.

TA: ehehehe whatever.

OD: NO YOU DONT GET TO WHATEVER ME

OD: I"M THE ONE WHO SAYS WHATEVER

OD: WHATEVER WHATEVER

OD: I KILLED 50 IMPS WITH MY FUCKIN DILDOSWORD AND THEN FUCKED THE FUCKING BOSS WITH IT

OD: I DO WHAT I WANT

[[od stopped pestering ta]]

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Eric T. Cartman

April 2014

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