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-- bootyInspector [BI] started pestering omnipotentDictator [OD] --

BI: eric

BI: dude.

BI: :|

OD: What?! ITS FUCKING HYSTERICAL,

OD: Oh shit - I didn't give him Greek Wedding. Or Gypsy Weddings,

OD: Hold on he's got to watch that Shit.

BI: why do you even have that shit

OD: Because the Chicks are hot and they’re all Skank Ass Hos.

BI: what

BI: even

OD: And most of them don't know what the FUCK looks good on them.

BI: wtf

BI: holy shit dude that's like the gayest thing you've ever said

OD: WHATEVER! I mean YOU don't even know what looks good on you.

OD: Are you saying you DONT want to watch a show where half the Chicks are falling out of their Dresses?!

OD: Do you NOT watch TLC? Or Did? Rather?

BI: dude we didn't have cable

OD: Oh, shit yeah.

BI: I got like two weather stations and portuguese footbol or shit

OD: Well did you at least see MBFGW?

OD: Ugh, hold on I have to finalize this Transfer.

OD: Fishbro is asking a MILLION Questions about this Shit.

BI: lol what

BI: this is like the whole

BI: man you're gonna fuck them up with like

BI: like when white guys take comic books into the jungle and then come back 20 yrs later and all the jungle guys are worshipping superman instead of their like, guinea pig gods anymore

OD: Yeah he has no fucking Clue what.s going on. Hah, fucking Christ.

OD: He's thinking that its some kind of Bragging Rites Ritual and you invite everyone who you hate "platonically" *he had to mention this* and your Court is all your exes?!

OD: I was like, no that's only if you live in Jersey.

OD: And I'm all

BI: lol that'd be funny as fuck tho no lie

OD: "No its to dress to the nines while pigging out, fucking, and spending a lot of Money on Shit you don't need"

OD: And he says they do that anyway.

OD: Or he does.

OD: And yeah it would be funny as Fuck, I'd do that at my Wedding no lie.

BI: too bad you don't got any exes tho lol

OD: Dude, fuck you.

OD: Imagine YOUR skank ass Wedding court then hahaha.

BI: gotta commit to have a wedding man

OD: Fucking TAMMY WHATSERNAME as your best man.

OD: God your Exes were crazy.

BI: tammy waaarner holy

BI: man she

BI: dude have you seen her lately???

OD: NO

BI: ass out to HERE omfg

OD: Whats she lo- ohhh shit.

BI: no, no, dude, like

OD: Where does she live now?

BI: denver

OD: Does she have any hot Friends?

BI: works in some classy ass stripclub it's awesome

OD: Redheads?

BI: or worked

BI: fuck

OD: What?

OD: Oh.

OD: fuck.

BI: lame

OD: Man I actually like

OD: got excited there.

OD: shit.

OD: Dude I still have to work on these weird Hope powers.

OD: Fishbro said that I'll never be good enough to get them to work.

OD: but maybe if I do, maybe I can like.

BI: wtf is that it sounds like dr suess christmas magic

BI: power of hope

OD: Hope everything goes the way I want it to go?

BI: fucking care bears shit lol

OD: Dude apparently the Colors yellow too.

OD: I'm going to be that fucking Yellow Carebear.

OD: Tattoo a fucking cloud or whatthefuckever on my awesome Sixpack I've got going on.

BI: wishbear was teal, dude

OD: Dude.

BI: just sayin

OD: Fuck you, Ken. Now I want to know who the yellow one was.

OD: Jesus Christ Donkey Balls, the shit I look up online.

OD: Fuck.

BI: sunshinebear

OD: Oh so I get a SUN!?

OD: GREGORYS the one with the Sun!

OD: oh shit dude no

OD: I have the best name for him now. I can not WAIT to whip it out.

BI: dude don't ruin carebears with your dickwaving bullshit

OD: DICKWAVING?!

OD: no.

OD: no dude no I'm not black for him.

OD: You know who I'm black for.

OD: You /know/ who Im Colt 45 and Grills for.

BI: man this analogy is so fucked, dude, wtf are you talking about

OD: Your mom.

BI: lol as if

OD: Man she's got the Crack like

OD: we're all ready pretty black.

BI: dude are you drunk

OD: No, just laughing my ass off over Fishbro asking about what the fuck the Priest is in relation to their “quadrants”.

OD: I'm telling him he's their Sex Coach, giving them Instructions in a Code only Humans know.

BI: see dude this is why all the trolls like me best hahaha

BI: you and stan pissed them off too much lol

OD: Yeah, he didn't buy it.

OD: But now he's talking about Clowns and how they'd have to be present or something? He didn't understand what a Priest was, clearly.

OD: Oh shit speaking of clowns, I have to talk to the Clown Guy.

OD: He's a Bard.

BI: hahahaha omg clown guy is awesome

OD: Really?

BI: fuck yeah I would pay money to smoke with that dude

BI: guy totally knows what's up man

OD: Oh shit, wait is he cool in the ACTUAL cool way or the useless Stan way?

BI: lots of way to be cool

BI: lol

OD: Fuck, I have a feeling he's not cool in the way I wanted him to be.

OD: Nevermind then.

OD: Him and Stan should be Moirails or whatever.

BI: man I'm like

BI: pretty sure you can't be

BI: whatever the fuck that one is

BI: based on smoking up like bros hahaah

BI: too bad

OD: The BFF one?

BI: I could be everybody's bff5eva

OD: Yeah you're my Moirail.

OD: But your probs Christophe’s too - oh but you’re not supposed to fuck your Moirail.

OD: So maybe he's not.

BI: lol dude good thing we aren't trolls

BI: this shit is way too complicated

OD: Yeah, like how do they fucking do it?

OD: I'm not going to lie man, I have been TOTALLY immersing myself in their fucking Romance bullshit.

OD: Its fucking fascinating.

BI: lol

OD: Do you know you can be like, red for a troll one day and black for him the next?

OD: Because then THEY go black with their red troll and then red with their black.

OD: It's called vacilitating or something and Fishbro says it takes Practice and a lot of fucking Stamina since you're fighting A LOT.

OD: That just sounds... so fucking awesome.

BI: yeah dude that is like

BI: 100% more work than I wanna put into fucking somebody

BI: like what they make a schedule or shit

OD: No, but Kenny. It's fucking beautiful.

BI: block those weeks out like a red tide or shit

OD: Yeah! Oh shit dude nasty.

OD: I don't think Trolls get Periods, bro.

BI: whatever dude it's a natural part of ~a lady~

OD: Lucky them.

BI: right, damn

OD: Yeah there’s a Schedule set up and I asked if he ever had to deal and he told me to "go shovve it in your stretched out human wwasteshoot" or something.

BI: deal with periods?

OD: No deal with the

BI: lol plenty of human dudes haven't done that

OD: Flipping thing.

BI: too bad for them

BI: ohhh

BI: yeah well like, they're our age or shit, right ?

BI: kinda ?

OD: Yeah but apparently they live forever.

OD: Thats what Bluedude told Christophe.

OD: Or some of them do.

BI: nobody lives forever dude

OD: Sea Empress does.

BI: sucks for her

OD: oh, right.

OD: Whatever man, maybe now that you have time Powers you can like.

OD: Live forever when we're still alive.

BI: fuck, dude, I fucking hope not

OD: I mean, like, go back in Time and live when we're all still around and just keep repeating or doing new Shit.

BI: dude, what

OD: You're a Time Lord now, right?

OD: Like Doctor Who?

OD: Fuck that show.

BI: I don't think it works like that hahaah

OD: Psh like any of us have fucking Clues how this work.

OD: I thought that by giving Fishbro all of these movies he'd let me in on some Hope Secrets.

BI: well dude future me's got it all figured out

OD: How do you know?

BI: douchebag stole my lighter AND my pipe, dude

BI: my favorite fucking pipe!

OD: NO WHAT?!

OD: Like how!?

BI: like, it disappeared

OD: Did you SEE it disappear?

BI: well yeah dude that's why I said it disappeared

BI: if I wasn't watching and it was gone I'd of lost it

OD: Did you SEE yourself disappear?

BI: no dude I didn't see me

BI: I saw my shit disappear

BI: that's why I don't think it's all time travel like, way rude to past me there

BI: not come grab that shit in person

OD: Do you think he can grab Shit from the past, like, Tammy Warner?

OD: Or Human Kyle or something?

OD: Butters?

OD: Mr. Kitty?

BI: uhhh maybe ?

BI: not like I can ask the dude

OD: Then leave a Note in your Pipe next time! Christ!

OD: Dude, I just told Fishtroll to ask Gregory about royal weddings.

BI: what like

BI: princess kathy or whatever

OD: Lol yeah! Gregorys probably ALL INTO That Shit!

BI: no dude you're all into that shit

BI: gregory's just from england

OD: Duh, and they’re like programmed to love that Shit.

BI: lol whatever you say

OD: Remember Ike when the CANADIAN wedding happened?

OD: Shit.

BI: oh fuck dude the canadian princess was fine as allfuck

OD: Yeah! And I mean, Gregory's obs not into the princesses but I guess Prince William wasn't that bad looking? For a horse guy?

OD: I mean Gregory likes CHRISTOPHE he’s obviously not picky.

BI: dude are you really like

BI: gossiping about whether gregory's got a crush on the prince of england

BI: lol how's 6 grade treating you there dude hahahah

OD: DUDE IM JUST SAYING.

OD: You ASKED ME a Question and I was ANSWERING.

OD: or you shot something of mine down and I was defending myself.

OD: Same thing.

BI: dude I really like, don't give enough of a crap to argue with you about it but you could just like, ask, if you're really all up into greg's English Kings 2003 Bikini Calendar

OD: Oh shit I bet he has that stashed somewhere too.

BI: omfg lol

BI: sure, dude, sure

BI: what're you tellin the troll dude now

OD: He went off to message Gregory.

OD: The last thing I told him was that you get to write your own Vows and Shit, but it doesn’t mean anything since people usually get divorced.

OD: He said its because we're inept at Relationships and Weddings are 'wwasted' on us

OD: he seemed mad about the Cake thing though and wanted to know why they were all shoving it in each others Mouths and destroying their Outfits.

OD: And I told him its because those Weddings are always trashy.

OD: He agreed.

OD: He didn't know why people were throwing Shit out of them as they were leaving the Church either.

OD: I think that fueled his belief that you invite everyone who hates you.

BI: hahahaah that's cute dude you guys should like have a slumber party and watch what not to wear

OD: Shit I love trolls.

OD: DUDE FUCK YOU I'm HONESTLY TRYING TO GET INFORMATION out of him,

OD: He's the ONLY Hope Player I know of!

OD: but when I ask him about Shit, he just asks me another Question about FUCKING WEDDINGS.

BI: gossip's not information dude

OD: This was the WWORST idea.

OD: FUCK.

OD: DID I JUST DO THAT.

BI: wwwwwwwww ??

BI: omfg

BI: lolol you could show him a human style wedding at this rate hahahah

OD: He's had to have watched ten of them since I started talking to him.

OD: And what were you just implying?!??

BI: >:)

OD: Ugh, fuck no Dude.

OD: I already got propositioned from a weird Dream Version of him.

OD: That Greaser Troll?

OD: He hasn't visited me again though.

BI: dude don't fuck shit you see in your dreams.

BI: like, for real.

OD: Why not? Aren't those what Dreams are supposed to be for?

BI: yeah like back home

BI: dreams here are weird

OD: Dude what HAVE you been doing on Derse? Like, for real?

BI: mostly not hanging around derse

OD: You told me last time that’s what you’ve been doing for most of the game?! Were you LYING to me?

BI: nah

BI: dude you know there's like

BI: nothing out there ?

OD: Out where?

BI: it's like, our game shit, and the bigass meteor band, and derse, and then fuck all weirdass crazyshit ?

BI: not even like empty space with like, stars or whatever

OD: Wait, are you telling me you actually went like BEYOND the constructs of the game?!

OD: Did you see the Troll Planets?!

BI: no dude that's what I'm saying it's like

BI: empty as fuck

BI: or

BI: lol

BI: there's no game shit at least

OD: Just, nothing?

OD: Like, a blank TV?

BI: no dude a blank tv is a tv

OD: Like, Christophe's weird void shit?

BI: uhhhhhhhhhh I dunno dude I dunno how his nothingness shit works lol

BI: but it's definitely not like

BI: space.

BI: dunno, I'll figure it out hahaha

OD: ... dude you're wigging me out here.

OD: Now I'm wondering if the Trolls know anything about that. But FUCK if they'd tell me.

BI: yeah dunno, all I can get out of them is they don't wanna talk about, fuck, what'd they call them, horrorterrors?

BI: so dunno

OD: SOMEONE has to know something.

BI: lol sure

BI: actually dude yeah I'm gonna go like, smoke a bowl and take a nap

BI: get some ~clear thinking~ done about it hahaha

OD: I'm going to go see if someone knows more about that shit.

OD: Now THATS interesting.

OD: Nice work, Ken.

BI: mmmmm no biggie dude I've kinda got a whole

BI: thing w/it all so

BI: whatever~

OD: Jesus, I wish you'd stop being so obtuse about that shit.

BI: lolol you serious ?

OD: What THING.

OD: We need to know all we can! Ugh nevermind.

OD: Ignore me. I know you’re fucking clueless.

OD: I'm just pissed because I think the Trolls know more than we do.

OD: And that fucking bugs the shit out of me.

BI: yeah probably, dude, there's like twice as many and they're also all

BI: dunno, ~~advanced civilization~~ star trek shit

OD: Can't plan a Wedding worth fuck though.

BI: that's cuz trolls don't get married man

BI: damn they really do got an advanced society hahahahah

OD: You can't hook up, dude.

OD: Keep that in mind.

OD: Might as well be married.

BI: that's cuz they kill each other all the time lol

BI: can't hook up when your hookup's gonna eat your bones hahah

OD: I still would.

BI: lol well be careful dude

BI: you only get 1 extra life haha

OD: Don't be shooting your fucking Immortality Privilage all over my Face.

BI: omfg dude get off facebook for real that shit's the dumbest motherfuck bs

OD: Nah, I got that shit from Tumblr.

OD: Fucking hysterical Sherlock Cunts.

BI: dude stop chasing after nerdgirls lol they're never going to like you back hahaha

OD: No, dude. They like badboys because they think they can like change them or something.

OD: They get off to it.

BI: no, dude, that's like

BI: girls like my cousin who work in supermarkets

BI: nerdgirls expect you to know shit

OD: Psh what’s there to know.

OD: "The Patriarchy is bad and I totally am okay with guys crying."

OD: Done.

BI: dude is that like the senate?

OD: I guess?!

OD: IDK they think that the reason girls suck is because guys rule the world or something, and thats totally true, but theyre all butthurt about it.

BI: lol girls don't suck, girls are

BI: ~~~~awesome~~~~

BI: :,)

OD: No, I mean, THEY think they suck.

OD: Haven't you listened to them on these sites?

OD: Dude, its the most butthurt Shit and like, overcompensating for not having a Dick I guess.

OD: Like they go CRAZY over Mulan and other STRONG women but then get mad at other girls who are like "being a housewife sucks".

OD: Theyre all "DONT YOU TELL HER WHAT TO DO!"

BI: hahaha

BI: well dude you better hope we can save the world

BI: cuz all the girls left in the universe all got dicks now >:)

OD: OH shit yeah thats right.

OD: Uhh

OD: yeah.

OD: Well I've fapped to worse.

OD: ugh no I haven't this is going to suck.

BI: hahahah welcome to the hentai life

OD: Dude if I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I'd be having to have sex with a Tentacle Monster…

BI: :,)

BI: I mean you were watching the movies they put up right like there's tentacles for sure

OD: Yeah! I mean.

OD: I would have looked more of this shit up back home if I knew, because now I don't have a choice.

BI: if any of them wanna bone you, lol

OD: Ugh like fuck im letting their slimy ‘bulges’ get near me.

BI: hahahahaha

OD: You'd bang a troll though.

BI: fuck yeah I would

BI: but they don't do hookups

BI: sooo we're all fucked

BI: so plan: save da earth (again) is a go?

OD: Yeah, its on.

OD: It'll be easy once we master our Powers.

OD: But no dude, we’re not fucked. We just have to figure out who's in who's quadrant.

OD: We'll see who's free.

OD: I'll start with Fishtroll and work my way to each one.

OD: [[CARTMAN’S LAPTOP HOPESPLODED]]

BI: wtf's hopesploded

OD: FUCK, I'm on my headset now

BI: ah fuck it I'm gonna go smoke

OD: yeah go ahead

BI: don't

OD: I'm... what the fuck was that.

BI: hopesplode lol

BI: wtf

OD: Is THAT what Hope does?

OD: DUDE.

OD: He did that from like another fucking PLANET.

OD: DUDE.

OD: I have GOT to figure this Shit out.

OD: Hang on.

-- OD stopped pestering BI --


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Eric T. Cartman

April 2014

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